Home and Family

It's a beautifully calm and cool evening that's just cloudy enough that you can't fully see the moon or the stars. The yard is covered with crisp leaves of all shapes and colors that crunch under my feet as I walk my dog in the dark. I walk into the house to hear my mom fussing at a man who has a special nack for not answering the question. Through the hall, up the stairs, into a room that still has many reminders of my innocent and happy child hood. Flashbacks come of pink walls, comforter and carpet. A big Barbie house in front of the window where I could do my two favorite things- play with my dolls and watch what's going on outside my window. That always consisted of birds playing in the tress or the cows across the street talking to each other. I could lose myself for hours in that window and still can. I remember vividly the day I discovered there was a brightly colored woodpecker that lived in the tree outside my window. It was so exctiting to sing the Woody Woodpecker theme song while watching it drill into my tree. MY tree. But I didn't mind sharing it with him or the squirrels or anything else that liked it. I also remember the day I got in trouble for playing in the window fan instead of taking my nap. That room has so many memories.

I play with my new hair cut in front of my old mirror. How many new hair cuts that mirror has seen. I taught myself to apply make-up in that mirror. So did my grandmother, and all the women before me. I miss her so much right now. That mirror has seen many new hair cuts, makeup and dress styles, first dates, wedding days. It's seen life.

Now I'm setting here at the computer thinking about how grateful I am for those women before me. For the chance to be loved by them. For my life to be what it is because of those women before me. They taught me to sew, and play the piano and bingo. They encouraged me in following my heart and the Lord. How I love those women and the men who loved them. Without them I wouldn't be complete either.

It's because of them that I understand sports. I can hold my own in a group of men watching football and know what's going on. They taught me to throw a football, and play basketball. They took off work to come to my soccer games. The encouraged me when I learned to play that one really hard song, and patted me on the back when I finally understood the math homework and finally got an A on a math test. They knew I could do it, and that I just had to believe it myself. It's because of them I have the passion to be outdoors, to explore the woods. To be alone in nature. It's because of them I am not afraid of spiders or other bugs, but also know that it's ok if I were. They taught me to ride a bike, drive, check the oil, change a tire and empowered me to stand up for myself. They taught me that I am beautiful. I am loved. And am only worthy of someone who loves and respects me. That I deserve that. I am worthy of that by the fact that I am their daughter, neice, granddaughter, their baby girl. They would stand up for me and my reputation regardless of the cost.

They gave an beautiful picture of my Father. Made it easier for me to love Him and know Him. Kept me from wasting my time with boys who weren't worth it.

This is home. It really is. I miss this place, especially on weeks like this one when all that is shaken. Being here reminds me of all that I know is true. Sometimes it takes being away to know the it's value

Femininity

A few months ago a guy said to me, "You know, Angela, you don't have a princess complex like a lot of women I know. My assistant has a princess complex and she thinks the whole world has to revolve around her. She feigns weakness just to get attention and expects all of us to save her. She gets cold and asks everyone in the office to change the temperature. She worries about her clothes and hair and jewelry. Everything has to be just right for her, but you're not like that." I smiled politely and said, "Thank you, I think."

I know that he meant that entire interchange as a compliment, but it left me aching and empty and unknown. It felt like he was saying, "You know, I don't have to worry about you. You're a big girl and you can take care of yourself. Nobody has to walk you to your car at night. No one has to lay his coat over a puddle for you. I don't have to hold the door for you or wait for you to order first. You're not like that. You are strong and self-sufficient. You go with the flow. You're practically one of the guys. Ol' buddy, ol' pal."

Gross. I am strong, but not that strong. I get things done but wish someone would come along and save me from time to time. I like guys. I like to talk to them and interact with them. But I don't want to be one of them. I want to be the girl and I want to be treated like the girl. Secretly, I guess I really want to be a princess."


From: Do You Think I'm Beautiful by Angela Thomas

When did being a woman become a bad thing? Why is it bad to be in the "weaker sex"? Why is there so much pressure for women prove themselves to be like guys? Who decided that being sensitive, and "girlie" was such a negitive thing? Why does it feel like the only way to gain respect from guys is to be like them?

Got news, friends. Girls are not like guys. End of story. Some of us may like things that guys like, i.e. sports, however, that does not make us one of the guys. Any girl who you think of as one of the guys 8.5 times out of 10 will be repulsed at that idea. Girls do not, want to be treated as one of the guys. The girls you all are friends with were girls before they were ever your friends. We want to be treated as intelectual equals, but we are princesses damn it!

And girls, who ever told you that you had to be like guys to be loved was an idiot. Why do we allow ourselves to fall into the rut of trying to fell good enough to be liked by guys? We are made girls for a purpose. I'm sick of feeling like being a girl isn't good enough and I know that I'm not the only one.

Therefore, I'm reclaiming femininity for the girls. Guys aren't supposed to be that, so knock it off. It's our job. We were made to be the women, you were made to be the men. It's time we all got our heads on straight and quit with all this gender swapping crap.

Being a princess does not mean that the world revolves around you. It means, that you are treated with respect because you are the daughter of the most High King. Being a princess means demanding respect by being a Godly Woman, like we're supposed to be, and demanding respect because God made us WOMEN.

Guys, you are princes. You are the sons of the Most High King. Start acting like princes. But not arrogant ones, be the Godly men you were created to be. The world is in so much need of Godly Men. And, yes, I know the world is in need of Godly Woman as well.

I want to be a Princess. I am a Princess damn it!

So there.

Standing out

I can't describe the thoughts in my head when I read the writings of those who are obviously much passed my level of intellect. I want to read and learn everything they have to say. And I am reminded that my mind is just nary a speck on the blip of the intelligence radar.



I should be humbled by that but instead, I'm usually jealous. I always see little parts of people that I admire and enjoy and so I seek to be like that, whether that is conscious or not, I do. I feed off people fairly well. And although I am growing to be a very confident person, I always find myself lacking when I'm around others. More specifically, I find myself wanting to be more like them.



I am slowly realizing that by wanting to be like everyone else, I'm becoming nothing special. I'm not allowing myself to shine through and allowing the part of me that is meant to wow others to stand out. I'm not that big a fan of being different from everyone else. Being different always did bad things to me. But deep down inside, Ive always wanted to be that one thing that just stood out leaps and bounds when came to others. Whether it was in a special career field or with a man, it doesn't matter.



Now I'm at a place where I don't really stand out in anything and I think that's sad. Because that means that at least some level I'm not completely being who I'm meant to be if I'm afraid of it. I'm not even completely sure of what that looks like.



I think watching others is a great way to grow and to see what you value and what you can't stand. We has humans are meant to compliment each other not copy each other.



Just keep that in mind, friends.



I wish it didn't take so long to learn the really important lessons.

Faith Alone?

Sending leads to preaching.

Preaching leads to hearing.

Hearing leads to believing.

Believing leads to calling on the name of the Lord.

Notice that believing is not the climax. Even the great Protestan tReformers who taught us the principle of sola fide ("Faith Alone") also preached that intellectual assent alone does not bring salvation. There is one more step for demonstrating a real and living faith, and that is calling out to God with all of one's heart and soul.
Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire





When did we begin to stop at belief? That is just another way for our faith to become man centered rather than God centered. We aren't saved because of our belief. We aren't saved because of our belief, we're saved because we believe in what God and Christ have done and realize our ultimate need. We are saved because of our need and our realization of the utter glory and power of Christ. Not only does that realization change us but the commitment to change our lives and our identities because of that realization, or rather, to allow God to finally begin to further His good work within us. We must give glory to God. That's what brings us into communion with Him

Life: Through the words of the wise

To invoke an analogy, consider a movie: it consists of thousands upon thousands of individual pictures, and each of them makes sense and carries a meaning, yet the meaning of the whole film canot be seen before its last sequence is shown.
-Viktor E. Frankl

I hear them saying you'll never change things/ And no matter what you do it's still the same thing/ But it's not the world that I am changing/ I do this so this world we know/ Never changes me/As long as one heart still holds on/ Then hope is never really gone
-Garth Brooks

So, let us be alert- alert in a twofold sense:
Since Auschwitz we know what man is capable of.
And since Hiroshima we know what is at stake.
-Viktor E. Frankl